Keepin’ Love Alive: Be stubborn

I spent time online looking at the impact of stubbornness on marriage. There are a lot of articles suggesting how damaging it is, and none that I could find suggesting it’s a good quality to have.

Having observed my mother-in-law for over 15 years, I think her stubbornness was one of her greatest qualities. And one that I believe was instrumental in helping her remain married to her one-and-only husband for over 50 years.

Perhaps it’s a lack of stubbornness that’s one of the greatest concerns about our current society. We seem to want results now, and if we don’t get them now, we’d rather quit than endure.

I’m pretty sure we’ve all been guilty of such. Perhaps it was sitting at a stoplight that just seemed to stay red too long. Or stuck at a railroad crossing with a train that you’re convinced was just going too slow.

I’ve even been frustrated in line at a fast food drive through because there were just “so many” cars in front of me. Or, heaven forbid, there actually is one or even two (gasp!) people in front of me when I’m trying to rent a video at a local kiosk.

But many of my greatest accomplishments, and likely yours too, came as a result of being stubborn. Maybe it was sticking it out in school or a hard job when you really wanted to quit. Maybe it was raising a difficult child or enduring tough financial times.

Because of the ups and downs of life it seems we’ll all have our turn at difficult times. When you’re married, the chance of having difficult times in the household increases as twice as many people now exist who will sooner or later hit a rough patch in life.

When my father passed away I hit a rough patch. As time went on, I seemed to process through and recover from such a difficult time. But that recovery certainly did not come overnight.

But my wife’s stubbornness during my difficult time was key in not only helping me, but helping us endure this rough time. She stuck by me, and she stuck by us.

When meeting with couples for the first time, I often inquire about their most difficult times. I’ve heard stories about financial failures to include losing homes and cars and businesses. I’ve heard about enduring sicknesses in spouses, and the untimely passing of a couple’s child.

And through many of these stories I observed that it was good old-fashioned stubbornness that got them through. During these most difficult times, these couples stuck to the task at hand. They stuck to one another. And they stayed stubborn to their marriage vows.

And when this stubbornness was combined with the passing of time, not only did things get better, but their relationship was strengthened, too. Many were able to find “glory in the story” as they told about how they worked together to overcome the odds stacked against them.

When couples marry, traditional vows actually have them commit to being stubborn as they promise to stick together not only in better times but also for worse, poorer, and in sickness, until death do they part. Clearly such an accomplishment can’t occur without stubbornness.

While my mother-in-law had many great qualities, perhaps it was her stubbornness that I admired most. A quality that helped her endure the many ups and downs of life, and, ultimately, helped her remain married for more than half a century as she stubbornly remained faithful to her marital commitments too.

So next time life hits a rough spot, may we all be a bit more stubborn by sticking by our partner and to our marriage vows instead of quitting if we don‘t have instant happiness. It’s a quality that couples realize is essential in the long term quest of keepin’ love alive.

For more tips on keeping your love alive, visit www.panhandlecouples.com.

Remember, couple relationships are easier than you think, but harder than you act.